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Hope is Not a Thought; it’s an Action

Hope is not a thought; it’s an action.

I sit and wait and wonder. I ruminate. I ask a million questions. I have to be sure. I have to be safe. The risk is simply too much. I could never have all the answers. I must listen to the messages; read the signs. But still, there’s no avoiding the pain. The love and the fear lay down side-by-side.

Your soft manor turns into razor blades and I bleed out all too soon. I hope the blood will stop seeping through my blouse for all to see but I may as well be naked; I’ve never been good at hiding my heart.

I smile – there is hope only in rising up, holding my head up high and beginning again.

I stand like a priestess and walk my talk, freeing the butterflies, abandoning safety, risking it all for the grand experiment of the unknown.

I light a torch and enter the cave. I find them sitting there. The ones like me – with eyes and lips and tongues alight with truth and ancient tales. They speak of hope; there is no more waiting now. It’ll be too painful to ponder, too bitter to berate myself one. more. time.

The choice has been made. I’ve chosen the path. I will not walk around the mountain, I will climb its rocks. And there will be hope with each step as I sweat and breathe and settle with each word of fear and feel it, and feel it, and feel it, until the next step. Until the sky changes from blue to red and the birds migrate south, and the ice hardens on the rivers surface, and crocuses emerge through the snow. When the blisters on my feet have healed, and risk and hope and fear and pain turn into love and it is in them all and in my breath and it all becomes Holy.

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Jasmine flowers fall from the sky
A fragrant rain beyond compare
On the grass, in the water, they die
We touch and dance and stare
Your face ripples into a thousand incarnations
Guides join us in incantations
To now
To then
To us
To them
We rub the sand into our hands
And dance on the graves of the past
Talking, walking, circling
Our last chance to say goodbye
Under a jasmine sky

On a hill with sun and moon
We pray and swoon
It’s all too soon
To laugh, to cry, to say goodbye
It ends before it begins
The things we thought were sins
But we are just innocent
Reverent
Aching for more
Longing
Wanting
Remembering before
What we had
What we held
Yearning to meld
Into our hearts
Not to end
But to start
To intertwine the rose and the thorn
To sign with the blood
Of a new and sweet dawn
Fused with fragrance
And sweet summer song
The days of sun
light and long
Will you come to me then?
If not, then when?
I know your face
I’ll remember it well
Don’t make me forget
Your hands, your smell
Kneel here
Lay your head in my lap
Cry your tears of strength and years
I’ll hold you dear
You know I’ve always wanted you near.

Please stay.